Being an extrovert for most of my life and married to an introvert for forty-seven years, I consider myself an expert on both. My wife, Jean, prefers deep, long-lasting relationships and doesn't enjoy talking a lot. She likes being at home and spending time with a few close friends. On the contrary, I enjoy being around others, making small talk, and meeting new people. Going out to eat or attending events is one of my favorite activities. So, it’s understandable that introverts can feel uncomfortable and even overwhelmed when hanging around extroverts. At the same time, extroverts can feel restricted in the company of introverts and often consider them unfriendly. With all that said, our bipolar personalities have made us better people and strengthened our marriage. The same can be said for the kinds of friends we have. The more diverse our friends are, the better person we will be and the better life we will have, especially as we get older.
It’s not just introverts and extroverts who are put off and frequently avoid connecting with people different from themselves. Blue-collar workers, those without a college degree, or those who take in 3000 calories in one meal and don’t exercise usually have few friends who are white-collar business people, educators, and fitness enthusiasts. Similarly, if you like to gossip, I would go out on a limb and say you don’t have a lot of friends who are encouragers and see the glass half full. If you are a social drinker, I bet you are not looking for a hard-core Southern Baptist to be your BFF. I have found that Church folks typically have only close connections with other Church folks.
Understandably, people find it more “comfortable” to be around those who are similar to them. Yet, research shows that individuals, especially those over sixty, with a wider variety of friends are more likely to remain mentally sharp, physically and emotionally healthier, and even financially stable. For me, one of the most important benefits of having diverse friends (Luke:36-45) is that it GIVES GOD MORE WAYS TO SPEAK into my life.
Remember that “diversity of friends” means not only different personality types but different levels of friendship (acquaintances, casual, close, intimate) and different ages. So, what does a diversity of friendships look like, and how can they improve our lives?
My grandkids are my favorite and sometimes the most physically draining relationship I have. Malachi (2 ½) loves the park; climbing on the jungle gym and hide-and-seek. Then there is Zeke (Ezekiel), my eight-month-old namesake who always wants your attention but can make you smile no matter how bad he smells or how difficult your day.
Hanging with teens and twenties is like drinking from the fountain of youth; Nothing is off limits with them. Everything from jumping out of an airplane with my grandsons to riding bikes and having amazing conversations with my granddaughter. Listening to their perspective on politics, environmental issues, parenting, and social trends is always a learning experience. On the lighter side, they introduced me to the latest coffee wave and funny TikTok memes. They remind me that life should be fun.
I love my neighborhood. It is a melting pot of diverse friends from Moldova, China, the UK, and Alabama. It’s a culture lesson every time I talk with them. Julius who retired from the City of Detroit after driving snow plows for over 30 years is one of those men who make you feel good about yourself and the world around you..
My weekly men’s breakfast group consists of successful people from different business backgrounds. We laugh a lot and discuss the blessings and challenges that this season of life brings. Hanging with these guys reminds me that “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (Proverbs 27:17)
Jean and I play cards with friends who have spent their lives in higher education. I am always learning something from them, artistically and creatively.
Three to four days a week, I am with my gym friends, both men and women, young and older. Without saying a word they remind me of the significance of strength-building and a healthy diet.,
My small group at church is fantastic. Those spiritually mature friends constantly challenge me to live a purpose-filled life of serving others.
Our Life After Fifty group meets monthly for lunch. It’s fun to talk about the good old (and some not-so-good old) days; being around them makes my day better.
I have political friends, some far-right and some far-left. Maybe it’s because I have those friends that I am neither.
If you have noticed that you might not be as mentally sharp as you were, maybe feeling lonely, or want to get physically healthier, you might start by asking yourself: “Do all my friends look, act, and think like me?” If the answer is “yes,” you may need to make some friends. Besides helping us to live better lives, they just make life more interesting.
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